mosaic_archive: and scratched or NPC charas... (Internet Theater)
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X watched the controls as the ship's autopilot began the landing sequence. There had been no communication from the planet below... but there had also been no attempt to stop him. He had long since parted company with the strange Cybertronian who had helped him get the ship he was now in, and who had also told him of this place. The natives of this strange planetoid were supposedly similar enough to Cybertronians to where he wouldn't be readily obvious in a crowd and might hide among them undiscovered.

Although these people had once been on friendly terms with the Autobots, he had been told that they were no friends of the Maximal Council, and their world was known in a few very select circles as a safe place for any Cybertronian who needed to disappear for a while.

No one came to greet the ship, but as the hatchway opened and X peered out at the cluttered landscape he caught a trace of the emotions of the inhabitants.

Fear... A crowd of minds nearby, just out of sight... all terrified.

And yet there was something odd about their terror. It was laced throughout with something else... a sense of amusement, as though whatever frightened them was also strangely entertaining. As though they knew whatever it was could not really harm them.

He left the ship cautiously and crept closer, curious as to what he might find, but wary. Soon he could hear the sounds of voices.

"What's that sound?" someone asked.

X realized he could hear a faint popping noise.

"Popcorn," a female voice said.

"You're making popcorn?"

"Uh huh."

X crept closer, listening.

"I only eat popcorn at the movies."

What are 'movies', X wondered, still staying out of sight.

"Well, I'm getting ready to watch a video."

"Really? What?"

"Oh, just some scary movie."

"Do you like scary movies?"

X peered around one of the many piles of junk that made up the landscape of this strange place. And then he saw where the voices had been coming from.

In a valley of sorts in all of the junk a crowd had gathered in front of an enormous viewscreen. On it was a strange creature... presumably some type of organic lifeform. holding what was probably a communication device. It... she... was speaking in the female voice he had heard. The other voice was probably meant to be the replies over the communication device, given her reactions.

"You never told me your name."

"Why do you want to know my name?"

"Cause I want to know who I'm looking at."

The Junkions barely paid him any attention as he made his way slowly into the valley and found a seat at the edge of the crowd. He was confused and curious as to what was happening here. Someone nearby handed him a bowl full of some strange pale yellowish-white things, and he poked at them briefly. A surface scan of the thoughts of the crowd revealed the substance to be called 'popcorn' and that it was presumably edible.

He was distracted when the second voice became vicious. He looked up at the screen, curious.

"... you hang up on me again and I'll gut you like a fish, understand?!"

The little peach-colored organic female seemed frightened by this point, and X could feel a sense of anticipation from the watching crowd. They're watching this for amusement?, the thought, puzzled.

"Is this some kind of a joke?"

"More of a game, really... can you handle that?"

He tried a bite of the popcorn, unwilling to look away from the screen for too long. This was becoming interesting.

"Listen, I am two seconds away from calling the police."

"They'd never make it in time. We're out in the middle of nowhere."

"What do you want?"

"To see what your insides look like!"

X watched, fascinated, as the horror movie marathon continued.


It was hours before the run of films came to a brief intermission. The crowd began to disperse to find food or catch some sleep before the movies began again. Before X could decide whether to return to his ship or have a look around, a large hand grabbed hold of his shoulder.

He turned, quickly, and tore his 'attacker's' head off before he realized that the gesture hadn't been an attack at all.

Before he could decide how to react, to his surprise, the Junkion just reached down and picked his head up off the ground. "Hey, that's my head!" the strange Transformer said, reattaching it with ease.

"Um... sorry..," X said, having the distinct feeling he'd missed something.

"Just a flesh wound," the thin mech replied. He motioned for X to follow him, apparently intent on showing him around.

Not having any real reason not to, X complied, following the Junkion around a few large piles of junk to another clearing where a snack bar had been set up. Five other Junkions seemed to make their home in this clearing, apparently living in shacks made of whatever bits of junk caught their fancy. The party of sorts was taking place in a sort of rough 'town square' in the middle of the group of shacks.

"For those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person," the Junkion guide told X, as they went down into the clearing. "I'm the Dude. So, that's what you call me. You know, that, or his dudeness, or duder, or el duderino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing."

X looked around, and then realized the Dude seemed to be waiting for something. "I'm a bit lacking in the name department at the moment..."

"Bummer..."

A tiny coppery green and brown femme hopped up onto a pile of junk to talk to the Junkion who was dispensing drinks to the others. "What a day. Gimme a beer."

"ID."

The little green girl glared at the bartender. "I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just gimme a frickin' beer!"

"ID."

The girl sighed. "Gimme a Coke."

"Is she really that old," X asked the Dude, as they walked over to the makeshift 'bar' themselves.

"No."

X looked around again, taking note of the others in this group. Most were on the small end of the Junkion scale, which meant that they were about the same size as he was. That was more than a bit of a relief... he hadn't liked feeling so small.

The largest member of this group would still have towered over him if he'd been standing... an orange mech with blue optics that was watching the scene quietly. X watched him for a few moments, suspicious. Something seemed strange about that one... parts of his armor, particularly the spiky bits that all Junkions seemed to have, seemed added to his design almost as an afterthought. And then there were his optics... blue instead of red like the others. X realized then that his green optics would make him stand out a bit as well. He put aside his suspicions for later as they reached the bar.

Dude just nodded to the temporary bartender. "Priest..." He turned back to X. "I'm going to get a drink, would you like one?"

"No, thanks..."

"Hi, what's your name?", Priest asked.

"I... don't have a name."

"Sad. Will you have a name when we get home?"

X paused, having the strangest feeling he was being set up somehow. "I don't have a home..."

For some reason, the Junkions seemed much friendlier after that.



Legal stuff: All characters in this story are the trademarks and/or copyrights of their respective holders, except for those that aren't. Any resemblance to anyone who actually exists is coincidental (and pretty darn amazing), etc., etc. It's just a fanfic, guys.


Junkion Quote List:

Dude - "Hey, that's my head!" - One of the Fire Gang Creatures from Labyrinth

Dude - "Just a flesh wound" - the Black Knight, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Dude - "For those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person." Xander, Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Dude - "I'm the Dude. So, that's what you call me. You know, that, or his dudeness, or duder, or el duderino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing. " - 'the Dude', the Big Lebowski

Dude - "Bummer" - er... just about any movie that uses California or surfer slang...

Froggy and Priest - "Gimme a beer" - skit between Anya Emerson and a Bartender, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Dude - "No." - eh, this is a sorta cop out, how many movies don't have someone say 'no' in em at some point?

Dude - "I'm going to get a drink, would you like one?" Trevor, Aeon Flux

Priest - "Hi, what's your name?", Allen Francis Doyle, Angel

Rampage and Priest - "I don't have a name." "Sad. Will you have a name when we get home?" "I don't have a home." Simon Templar and Dr. Emma Russell, from The Saint (Rammy accidentally quotes a movie, which is a sure way to get on friendly terms with Junkions)

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